Single…But Lonely?

This was my first post in my blog site “The Unwarranted Bachelor”.

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Being single and alone is painful. This I know from experience. It’s what we do during these turbulent times that shapes who we become. And in Whom we place our trust defines who we are. I know people who’ve decided to remain single for a time after a breakup. I know others who’ve blindly jumped into the next relationship.

For me it was neither of these. I find myself single for another reason. Even if I wanted to deliberately be single or have a girlfriend is irrelevant. At least so it seems. My current circumstances are forcing me to rely solely on God.

Whatever the case may be in reality I remind myself of the Apostle Paul and the Prophet Jeremiah. One chose to never marry for the sake of the Gospel, and the other was instructed by God to remain single.

When we find ourselves alone we need to pray and ask, “Father God, how long?” and “How can I bring You glory in this?”

If we place our trust in God ahead of our desires of the mind and flesh He will answer us. By trusting Him we open ourselves to receiving the answers we need.

On the other hand, if we hunt after self-gratification during such times how can we trust ourselves in times of plenty?

Childhood Depression

Originally published in “The Unwarranted Bachelor” in 2016.

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My childhood was divided between two cultures. The one my immigrant family belonged to and, Canadian, the one that surrounded me. From this stemmed many problems for me, more than I can or dare to remember.

Starting kindergarten with a limited understanding of the English language was one of them.

I’m not sure if this was the root of my constant bullying, but I do remember one bully in particular using this against me. You can imagine, the kid told the teacher, “He did it on purpose.” I didn’t know the meaning of “on purpose” at age six, and I got in trouble for accidentally stepping on the kid’s untied shoe laces.

Eventually my temper reached the boiling point. I snapped at the bullies and, again, I was the one at fault. I’m noting saying I wasn’t to blame, but the older bullies were so well versed in their tactics that they knew how to manipulate the teachers.

By the time I reached grade five I was known as the kid with issues. I always had limited number of friends, and among them an even smaller amount of true friends.

Surrounded by bullies and loneliness seems to sum up most of my childhood and early adulthood.

The catch-22 of adolescent depression: get bullied for being different; lonely for having no friends; trying to stand up for self; get bullied for your reaction. And the cycle goes on.

Eventually I learnt how to deal with them and my depression, but no thanks to the education system. They did try but failed. The bullies always seemed to get away with it.

As an adult I still suffer from depression and loneliness. This I will never deny. There are times I still can’t think straight and I react negatively. Thanks to my fallen and sinful human nature.

How did I find my escape as a teenager? God the Father and Christ the Son. Faith in the Triune God helped me get through it. I stumble most when I lose focus on Him.

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12, ESV).

When I find myself in my darkest hours I need to turn back to the Light. It’s not always easy when you find yourself alone in the world, but Jesus is here to help and guide to back to the Way (John 14:6).

Light Beyond the Darkness

Originally published in “The Unwarranted Bachelor” in 2016.

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Darkness creeps in and no one sees it. Why should they? They’ve all turned a blind eye to us. Depression is not real they try to convince us. Not real? Now I know you are a cold-blooded reptile, one who can neither sympathize nor empathize with others.

We all react to our (and that of others) depression differently. And the world reacts in response to it in just as many different ways. This I can tell from experience. During various eras of my life I’ve experienced and responded to the darkness in different ways.

As a child I went through phases of sulking in the corning and exploding at others, sometimes verbally and other times physically. (I’m not giving any excuse for my behaviour, just stating facts.) My actions did hurt others and drove away many so-called friends. At the same time their rejection of me and misunderstanding of depression did hurt me.

Sulking in the corner or withdrawing deep into oneself is a sign of low self-esteem or simply shyness. But children and adults like these tend to be number one targets on bullies’ attack list. In turn, a bully tends to dominate due to their low self-esteem with the explicit need to feel better by causing pain to others.

When darkness is given a seat in our minds it’s never satisfied. Depression wants to rule our lives and beyond. Shedding this lie is not easy, and for most people it is impossible to do on their own. During my early adult years I had friends who helped my through two episodes. For this I thank God.

My advice to anyone who is suffering through any mental illness or has a loved one who is experiencing such darkness is this: friends, family, love, understanding.

The times we desperately feel like being alone are the times we desperately need a friend in our lives. I’m not saying we need to be surrounded my people twenty-four seven but we do need people who won’t always push us aside.

With friends in our lives we need love as well. This love is from God and works through others and also in us. This love can change our depression into joy. Like the song says, “Joy comes with the morning.” This morning is the light at the end of the tunnel of depression.

I want everyone who is depressed to know there is hope for you. May God bless you even in times when you don’t feel His presence.

Bouts of Depression

Originally posted in “The Unwarranted Bachelor” in 2016.

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Depression is one of those topics no one really wants to talk about. Many people go as far as to claim the psychological condition isn’t real, people only use it as an excuse or a crutch.

Most, if not all, people in the West go through moments of being depressed. These are times of sadness or regret. People need down time to recuperate from whatever is going in their lives.

How is this different from depression? Medically speaking, I can’t say for certain. I’m not an expert by any means. But from experience I can say a lot. Depressed moments require moments rest and rejuvenation. Depression needs a lot more than that.

As you know, I have suffered from depression most of my life (childhood and adulthood). It runs in my family. Some friends have speculated it may run in my people and culture. To be honest I believe depression is a result of the Western Civilization’s materialistic greed. (That’s a topic for another day.)

Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, just ask any good family doctor. While meds can help in some cases, they don’t help in all. All some people need is understanding friends and family. For me it was a combination of both: meds and friends.

(Please remember: these are my thoughts and experiences on depression. Please refer to your doctor for advice.)

How can one tell if a friend is going through depression or is merely depressed? The best sign is their level of rational. How logical or illogical is their rambling? My closest friends can tell you that I have been illogical many times. I talked about people hating me, ending my life, the world is better without me… In essence I felt sorry for myself and that was all i could think about.

People who are suffering with depression speak as if the world revolves around them and only them. Whereas people who feel depressed have a moment of sadness without making things all about them.

Everyone has a different trigger. The bouts of depression I feel last anywhere from a few hours to a few days. I thank God, my Heavenly Father, that I don’t suffer too long any more. In the past my depression would last from a few weeks to a few months. In high school years had gone by and no one seemed to care I was suffering.

What were or are my triggers? In primary and secondary school my depression was linked to the amount of bullying I received from peers, older students and teachers. In adulthood it was the fact I was alone, and it hurts when everyone around me was in a relationship. I wasn’t happy or pleased with my lot in life back then. What about now?

Yesterday I felt depressed over what I’d call stupidity. Being alone in a world that puts too much emphasis on relationship was the catalyst. The cause was my desire to experience true, loving relationship.

While depression is a thing of my past, I will never say that I have totally triumphed over it. In fact, it is only by the grace of God that I can detect a wave of depression and true it into a moment of feeling depressed.

My journey in and through depression as been long and difficult, but it isn’t over yet. I pray that my experiences can help others overcome it or aid them in helping their loved ones.

 

Bible Passages: In Context or Out of Context?

Everybody has a favourite Bible verse or several that they keep referencing to. Whether you are a pastor, missionary, seminary professor, student or the average pew dweller, you must have at least one passage you have memorized. We find them engraved on plaques, in greeting cards, on calendars or quoted on other items around the house.

But how many of the most popular ones do we know the biblical context? How many of them are loved by some and others keep them out of their lives?

“Which verses are you referring to?” you may be asking.

A popular one that we see around, especially in late spring, coinciding with graduation season, is Jeremiah 29:11, which is a promise of God’s plans, His will for His people. 

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. (Jeremiah 29:10-12, NIV. Emphasis added.)

According to several folks I know, this passage holds absolutely no promise for Christians today. What is their reason? The historical context of Jeremiah is the prophet warning the inhabitants of the Kingdom of Judah of their impeding doom. The Babylonians are coming and will destroy the nation. In verse 10, Jeremiah prophecies the length of time of the exile, 70 years. The kingdom of God’s people is destroyed, which seems to go against this promise of prosperity. According to some people I’ve talked with in order to hold on to this promise you have to be able to “remember” your time in the Babylonian exile, which no one today can.

Instead of dismissing Jeremiah 29 as a promise only for the exiles or the returning exiles, why can’t we take a promise for ourselves? What would the spiritual implications or personal context for twenty-first century Christians be?

“The plans I have for you, to prosper and not to harm…” says the Lord (paraphrase). God’s plan is for us to prosper… God’s plan in for Him not to harm us… So what’s the issue here? Just because the Lord’s plan is for something, does that necessarily mean in the physical sense or in monetarily? By no means.

Although the “Prosperity Gospel” movement has claimed this promise for themselves, in a twisted and materialistic sense, that does not mean that we cannot hold to this promise in a spiritual sense.

Here is a popular phrase from Joshua 24:15, which many who reject the Jeremiah passage hold on to.

“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

The problem is there are major sections of the passage missing. Missing to fit their personal theological views? To each their own reason.

Here is the full passage from Joshua 24:

Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (vs. 14-15, NIV. Emphasis added.)

While Jeremiah was written to the exiles, Joshua was written to the Israelites who had just conquered the Promise Land. If you dismiss Jeremiah for the sole reason that you cannot remember being in the exile, then we have to reject this passage on similar grounds, we cannot remember our time as slaves in Egypt.

Why is one passage rejected while the other is not? Is one more inspired? Can its promise be more easily understood or applied today? Absolutely not. Both passages are in equal standing.

Instead of rejecting passages due to false gospels claiming them we need to studying all the contexts of the passage in light of how it fits in the grand picture of God’s redemptive story. Once this is all said and done, we can safely look at how it applies to our personal lives, and our culture.

We can examine many more passages that are accepted while other are rejected. I will leave it at this. When you are reading your Bible, studying it alone or in a group, please remember the four types of contexts before you claim it or reject it: historical, cultural, literature, and theological. The final one is personal context; this is when you can apply the truths found in the passages to your own life.

God bless.