Concerning Bullies

This post was first published back in 2016 in my other blog site “The Unwarranted Bachelor”, under the title “The Nature of Bullies”. This has been edited and renamed for “Writings of Seb”.


Bullies can come in all shapes and sizes…and ages. As a kid, growing up in southern Manitoba, I experienced taunts from all age groups, this included teachers. You know those people who are supposed to teach you things? Those who are supposed to protect students from the mean students (to some degree)? Yup, those teachers.

I know there are children out there who take it upon themselves to bully teachers. This I’ve also witnessed. But why do teachers take the sides of the bullies? Or become bullies towards their pupils?

I can’t answer for them. What I can do is tell you my experiences and hopefully share some advice.

As a child, from an immigrant family with English being my second language, I was a slow learner. (This was especially true in grades one through four.) With that I was a slow reader. I actually couldn’t read properly until mid-way through grade four. I never told my teachers and they never really seemed to care.

The only students that they cared about was the smart kids and the special needs kids. (That was the term used for such children back then, and if it offends anyone than so be it.) I found myself in the middle and thus I was left out of their care.

As a child that is how I felt. My learning disability was kept a secret as much as my childhood depression was hidden from the world. So it seemed to me.

Back on topic: a teacher, who believed she was constantly the focal point of mockery, was a major culprit in this. As a slow reader and a slow note-taker, it took me ages to copy her lectures from the board and go on to the next section. One day when such a thing occurred, and I hadn’t finished jotting everything down and hadn’t opened my textbook to the page she demanded me to read, she snapped. “You think you’re too good to open your book?”

That day I knew she hated kids and despised her job. The question I have for such teachers is: why are you teaching our children if you loath them so much? Get out now before you destroy their lives forever.

I was afraid to tell the right people about this incident. Instead I handled it the best my young mind knew how. I exploded at her just as I did against all others who bullied me. My low self-esteem got the better of me then and, unfortunately, I find that this training is still prevalent in my way of thinking today.

Old habits die hard.

Being shown that one doesn’t matter, or is demonstrated to be a waste of time and space, remains in the subconscious far too long. A child grows up with the training of adults and his/her mind is moulded more by the negative experiences as with the positive. This is a sad truth.

What can a child do if a “trusted” teacher or other role-model is the bully?

Nothing! That is towards the culprit.

Everything! This is to get help. Children, no matter their age, need to be encouraged by their parents to share how their days went. All information given are clues parents need to be open to hearing.

As parents (which I am not one yet) we need to listen to our kids more than we need to probe them for information. If something seems amiss you, as loving parents, need to relay this information to someone at the school or school board who can do something about it.

Parents, ask questions about everything. Be in your children’s lives from the beginning. Foremost, be their parents; not their best friends; not police officers nor their lawyers. You need to find a balance to deal with bullies and help your child deal properly with bullies of all ages.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, ESV). Too much caring and too little caring can both lead a child to anger. Be careful.

When I say don’t be “their lawyers” I mean two things:

First, don’t ask leading questions. Especially when your kid doesn’t want to talk and you suspect the reason. Usually your suspected reason is the wrong reason. Never put words in their mouths just as you don’t want them to put words in your mouth.

Be respectful of them.

Second, don’t always take their word as hard core evidence in any case. If something in ongoing you will know. If it’s the first time a teacher bullied your kid (according to his/her account), listen but don’t go witch hunting that second. The story your kid just told you is from his/her recollection of the day’s event.

Always check the facts.

It may be difficult to sit by while your child is bullied, but what if your little one directly or indirectly asked for it?

One last thing to remember: what your kid believes is unfair treatment may not be unfair treatment. But teacher-bullies do exist and they need to be removed from their teaching posts, a.s.a.p.


DISCLAIMER: I am no expert in the field of mental illness or of childhood counselling/caregiving. All of my posts are solely my experiences and/or my opinions. There is a lot of people around who have opinions on anything and everything. Please, be careful and don’t believe all you read as fact or dismiss it as fiction.

Advertisements

Living in the Age of Emotions

With everything going on in the world (the social/political changes of the past decades), I’ve decided to write my thoughts concerning it all. How I see and understand the chaos of our new world order is scary, but not original. Many people in Christian circles have voiced such concerns, but here is my conclusion:

We are living in an age of self-righteousness and emotional (un)security,an age where we are easily offended for our sake or self-perceived sake of others. Believe what you want to believe; behave how you want to behave. Tell everyone they have the freedom to believe what they want to believe and behave how they want to behave…as long as they believe exactly what you believe and behave exactly as you want them to behave.

The Protestant Reformation saw the freedom of belief being upheld against the dogmatic Church with its self-righteous clergy and self imposed rules.

The Age of Enlightenment saw the rise of science as a new freedom to observe the world in a different light against religious fundamentalism.

The Age of Emotional Rights is seeing a rise is questioning every set belief system: religious, scientific, political, and philosophical. Just as emotions are in constant flux so reality seems to be in flux. The claim of free speech is only permitted for those who hold to the belief that life is what you make it to be: you are the sum of your beliefs and actions.

Any form of dissension is met with hostility. Any form of challenge is met with protest and hate.

Why has our society gone to this extreme? Why are we allowing it, promoting such behaviour among those of the new generation?

Like in the days of the judges, “Everyone [does what is] right in his own eyes.” (Judges 21:25b). May God forgive us, for we do not know what we are doing!

The Fourth Member of the Holy Trinity

The issue of the Holy Members of the Trinity: God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. These are the three members of the Holy Trinity. Why then do many Christians act as if there is a fourth much holier member?

The Holy Bible points us to the Truth, because it contains messages of the Truth, but in itself the Bible isn’t “The Truth”. This title belongs to Jesus Christ , and to Him alone. For Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6, HCSB).

If the Bible was “The Truth” then all we would need is the Bible and not a personal relationship with Christ Jesus.

Do you follow the Bible or the Author of the Bible? It the Holy Bible the fourth member of the Holy Trinity or is it the message from the Holy Trinity?

Merry Christmas, 2015!

Dear friends and readers,

I’d like to thank you all for following my blog. I look forward to another year of great writing, not only from this blogs but also from yours. Today is Christmas Eve! Tomorrow is Christmas! What does this mean to me as a Christian? Is it Jesus’ birthday? His blessed and miraculous advent? I’ve read many Christians and non-Christians using their misinterpretation of historical event in their way to attempt to discredit the idea of celebrating Christmas.

Whether pagans had their own holiday around the winter solstice is totally irrelevant. You could pick any day of the year and claim the exact same thing. December 25th is a day that was chosen and let’s leave it at that.

I’d like to say, “It does not matter what day of the year or season Jesus was actually born in.” What matters is we remember. Not only are we to remember the fact that He came, but also the reason for His coming and His immanent return.

Let’s focus on this and this only. Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came down as an infant to live, be tempted like any other man. He died for the sins of the world and raised to life so that all who truly believe will have eternal life with Him. The best Christmas tradition we can partake in this holiday season is the reading of Christ’s birth.

Will you join me this week to focus not on Christmas but on the true meaning of Jesus Christ’s first coming and all that it entails?

My Rights vs Your Rights

The concept of personal rights or human rights has become a major part of the western society. Every one here believes he or she has “rights” to do something, be somewhere or just behave in some manner. But what happens when your “right” infringes on another person’s “right”?

Don’t get me wrong; I do believe we have rights, but I don’t believe “everything” society (generally speaking that is) claims to be rights. When I was younger, when VHS’s were still the norm, I went for my driver’s license and adults back then told us it was a privilege to drive and not a right. Okay, that’s all good and dandy, but why are people now, and ages past, acting in a way that is contrary to this piece of advice?

I can stretch this personal rights stuff to most aspects of life. In retail stores I’m constantly hearing people throwing a hissy fit when a product they “have a right to have” is out of stock. Or parents suing schools for not allowing their child to go against the school’s written policies. (I don’t think I need to expand on this. But the latter example is a growing issue, especially in USA.)

Enough random ranting–I’ll get to the point of this essay now. I have some perceived rights; you have some perceived rights; the person next to you has some perceived rights. But how far are you willing to go to exercise them? Who are you willing to sacrifice to get the next big thing you “have the right to have”?

Let’s reverse these questions: how far are you willing to go to allow someone else exercise their “rights”? Who are you willing to sacrifice to allow them to get the next big thing they “have the right to have”?

In a world of no absolute truth I will give you an absolute truth. But before I do I need to warn you: you may not agree with me and you may find this truth unnerving. I will tell you this, my claim to this truth will infringe on your right to claim it is not truth. The truth is “Everyone’s right infringes on everyone else’s right.”

Please, before you think or act like something is your right to have or do, think what if another person thought or acted the same way about the same thing? If you exercise your right to sit in the only chair in a crowed room, then you are infringing on another individual’s right to sit in the only chair in the room. What are your perceived rights? What are your perceived privileges? What are the differences?

An Outsider?

Have you ever felt like an outsider? Have you ever felt like your life was an intrusion on everyone else? Like your right to exist infringed on their right to breathe?

Well, you’re not alone; this is how I’ve felt most of my life, whether with friends, in college or at work. I will tell you this, my brothers and sisters, do not worry about anything in life. As the lilies are clothed by God’s hands, and the birds of the air are fed my His grace so He will be with you. God, our Father, knew you before you were in the womb. He had a purpose for you from the moment time began.

Do not worry about what others will say about you, or what they do to harm you. At the end of the day and life you will stand before Christ Jesus, who is our God and Redeemer. Only to Him will you give account of your life. Only our actions, words, and thoughts will be laid before His feet. All others will give accounts to Him for their own deeds, words, and thoughts.

Convictions

When God convicts people of sin, through the Holy Spirit, there are two Paths they can take:

The first is the Wide Path, which most tread. It is by far the easiest one to follow. Here one does as he or she pleases. Pleasures of the flesh parasitically take hold of the soul. It is easy to go down this Path, but extremely difficult to evade. Leave the Religion behind and embrace the Sin – the Path of this world.

The second is the Narrow Path only the humble dare to take. It is most difficult of the two. Here one does as his or her morals dictate, in regards to God’s Word and Love. Ultimate Truth, not pleasures, frees the mind and spirit of guilt. It is hard to follow this Path, but rewarding when accomplished. Leave the Sin behind and embrace the Religion – the Path of Jesus Christ.

Which Path will you take? Will you allow the pleasures of the flesh to dictate your life? Or will you allow God to keep you from straying out of control? Which path will you choose? The way that leads to times of guilt you want to forget? Or the way the gives you true happiness now and forever?

When the Holy Spirit convicts you of Sin please take the Narrow Path to Righteousness. It is a war for the mind and spirit; here the battlefield is your life. In the end only you can choose. God will always be waiting for you with open arms, but the world waits with open jaws.