Concerning Bullies

This post was first published back in 2016 in my other blog site “The Unwarranted Bachelor”, under the title “The Nature of Bullies”. This has been edited and renamed for “Writings of Seb”.


Bullies can come in all shapes and sizes…and ages. As a kid, growing up in southern Manitoba, I experienced taunts from all age groups, this included teachers. You know those people who are supposed to teach you things? Those who are supposed to protect students from the mean students (to some degree)? Yup, those teachers.

I know there are children out there who take it upon themselves to bully teachers. This I’ve also witnessed. But why do teachers take the sides of the bullies? Or become bullies towards their pupils?

I can’t answer for them. What I can do is tell you my experiences and hopefully share some advice.

As a child, from an immigrant family with English being my second language, I was a slow learner. (This was especially true in grades one through four.) With that I was a slow reader. I actually couldn’t read properly until mid-way through grade four. I never told my teachers and they never really seemed to care.

The only students that they cared about was the smart kids and the special needs kids. (That was the term used for such children back then, and if it offends anyone than so be it.) I found myself in the middle and thus I was left out of their care.

As a child that is how I felt. My learning disability was kept a secret as much as my childhood depression was hidden from the world. So it seemed to me.

Back on topic: a teacher, who believed she was constantly the focal point of mockery, was a major culprit in this. As a slow reader and a slow note-taker, it took me ages to copy her lectures from the board and go on to the next section. One day when such a thing occurred, and I hadn’t finished jotting everything down and hadn’t opened my textbook to the page she demanded me to read, she snapped. “You think you’re too good to open your book?”

That day I knew she hated kids and despised her job. The question I have for such teachers is: why are you teaching our children if you loath them so much? Get out now before you destroy their lives forever.

I was afraid to tell the right people about this incident. Instead I handled it the best my young mind knew how. I exploded at her just as I did against all others who bullied me. My low self-esteem got the better of me then and, unfortunately, I find that this training is still prevalent in my way of thinking today.

Old habits die hard.

Being shown that one doesn’t matter, or is demonstrated to be a waste of time and space, remains in the subconscious far too long. A child grows up with the training of adults and his/her mind is moulded more by the negative experiences as with the positive. This is a sad truth.

What can a child do if a “trusted” teacher or other role-model is the bully?

Nothing! That is towards the culprit.

Everything! This is to get help. Children, no matter their age, need to be encouraged by their parents to share how their days went. All information given are clues parents need to be open to hearing.

As parents (which I am not one yet) we need to listen to our kids more than we need to probe them for information. If something seems amiss you, as loving parents, need to relay this information to someone at the school or school board who can do something about it.

Parents, ask questions about everything. Be in your children’s lives from the beginning. Foremost, be their parents; not their best friends; not police officers nor their lawyers. You need to find a balance to deal with bullies and help your child deal properly with bullies of all ages.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, ESV). Too much caring and too little caring can both lead a child to anger. Be careful.

When I say don’t be “their lawyers” I mean two things:

First, don’t ask leading questions. Especially when your kid doesn’t want to talk and you suspect the reason. Usually your suspected reason is the wrong reason. Never put words in their mouths just as you don’t want them to put words in your mouth.

Be respectful of them.

Second, don’t always take their word as hard core evidence in any case. If something in ongoing you will know. If it’s the first time a teacher bullied your kid (according to his/her account), listen but don’t go witch hunting that second. The story your kid just told you is from his/her recollection of the day’s event.

Always check the facts.

It may be difficult to sit by while your child is bullied, but what if your little one directly or indirectly asked for it?

One last thing to remember: what your kid believes is unfair treatment may not be unfair treatment. But teacher-bullies do exist and they need to be removed from their teaching posts, a.s.a.p.


DISCLAIMER: I am no expert in the field of mental illness or of childhood counselling/caregiving. All of my posts are solely my experiences and/or my opinions. There is a lot of people around who have opinions on anything and everything. Please, be careful and don’t believe all you read as fact or dismiss it as fiction.

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Earth & Heaven

There is nothing on earth:
No person attractive enough,
No money massive enough,
No object valuable enough,
No concept pleasing enough,
No power strong enough
For me to deny Christ’s love.

There is given from heaven:
A sprite attractive enough,
A worth massive enough,
A gift valuable enough,
A thought pleasing enough,
A force strong enough
To keep us within God’s fold.

Coming Back, Soon

Dear Readings,

I apologize for not posting in almost 1.5 years. While I have been doing some writing, it hasn’t been enough. I will be looking through my most recent poems and short essays, as well as posts from my other blogs (which I plan to delete in the near future) and share them with you.

I also plan to self-publish a collection of my writings from this site within a year or two. I will keep you updated once that process begins.

Thank you all for reading and following Writings of Seb.

Seb

Living in the Age of Emotions

With everything going on in the world (the social/political changes of the past decades), I’ve decided to write my thoughts concerning it all. How I see and understand the chaos of our new world order is scary, but not original. Many people in Christian circles have voiced such concerns, but here is my conclusion:

We are living in an age of self-righteousness and emotional (un)security,an age where we are easily offended for our sake or self-perceived sake of others. Believe what you want to believe; behave how you want to behave. Tell everyone they have the freedom to believe what they want to believe and behave how they want to behave…as long as they believe exactly what you believe and behave exactly as you want them to behave.

The Protestant Reformation saw the freedom of belief being upheld against the dogmatic Church with its self-righteous clergy and self imposed rules.

The Age of Enlightenment saw the rise of science as a new freedom to observe the world in a different light against religious fundamentalism.

The Age of Emotional Rights is seeing a rise is questioning every set belief system: religious, scientific, political, and philosophical. Just as emotions are in constant flux so reality seems to be in flux. The claim of free speech is only permitted for those who hold to the belief that life is what you make it to be: you are the sum of your beliefs and actions.

Any form of dissension is met with hostility. Any form of challenge is met with protest and hate.

Why has our society gone to this extreme? Why are we allowing it, promoting such behaviour among those of the new generation?

Like in the days of the judges, “Everyone [does what is] right in his own eyes.” (Judges 21:25b). May God forgive us, for we do not know what we are doing!